Classic excuses from parents!

“Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.”

“Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”

“Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.”

“Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.”

“John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.”

“Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.”

“Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.”

“My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.”

“Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.”

“Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.”

“Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.”

“George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.”

“Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.”

“Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.”

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The Best Signs

On a Septic Tank Truck sign: “We’re #1 in the #2 business.”
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At a Proctologist’s door “To expedite your visit please back in.”
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On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
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On a Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
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On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
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At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
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On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
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In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action.”
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On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
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At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come
to the right place.”
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At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car
payment.”
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Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
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In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
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In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get
fed up.”
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
March 3, 2003
Church Bulletin Bloopers

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person (s) you want remembered.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.- prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

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Subject: What we eat and drink

A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It’s speaking English that kills you.
PS…These are not mine…did not steal anything…a friend of mine reads these on the air at a radio station and gave me permission to use them however I wanted them

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I am a pretty good DIY plumber and an okay DIY electrician. However, in every home where I had to do the work always had a basement or crawl space. I am getting ready to buy a house without either and my question is:

How do you access the plumbing and electrical if you can’t get to it from the basement. I know it’s in the walls and I will probably have to cut sheet rock to get to it. But I guess what I’m really asking is how do you detect where the exact problem is? Whether it be a leaky pipe or running an extra outlet.

I guess I will have to access wiring from the attic but still not sure about plumbing.

Thanks.

brighton electrical

Which trade can I get into as self-employed or as a contractor with less than a year of training. I assume I will be training on a fast track method. I am willing learn any type of work and I usually pick it up very quickly.
Few examples may be Financial Advisor, Plumber, electrician

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n search for plumbers Rotherham or for electricians Rotherham? If so, this page is going to help you immensely since it is going to offer you the required information. Click down the page to know more about the electricians Rotherham. This page will also inform you about the plumbers Rotherham.

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